Ex

I checked my account and

I can no longer afford the cost

Written on your price tag

Yet part of me is willing to buy it on credit

I know

In that debt I would surely drown

See it’s the hope that’s deadly

The occasional surface phone call that

Slowly creeps backward into locked away memories

You massage my temples with growling recall

What we used to do, none have come close to

A prowess unparalleled

A prowl that always achieved his kill

To die and arise

Toying with the proverbial thin line

Every encounter has been a stroll

Across the tightrope

I always approach with caution

Initially afraid of that

Spine tingling adrenaline that

Comes with the first step

Imagining falling to my demise

I hate you

Hate the way you hurt me

I let you

Hate the way you treat her

When I was the one who held you down

I still am

Hate that I am

Always around for every phone call

I hate you

Hate that I don’t hate you at all

Trying to deaden my fall

Harden my love into a carcass

Say

Love don’t live here anymore

So stop asking me

You and I both know I can only say no so long

So I speak to you less

Cuz saying yes is all I gotta do

I will deny how I feel to the death

Don’t touch my dress

My face

My back

Go back to her

And let me go back to black

Thanks.

Writing Prompt #1

Writing prompt: "Write about your body without using bodily terms."

Result:

Deep, endless wells consume you

It is always what they see first

Or so they say

But it's probably my 

Wawa tree branches that grow wild

From my mind

Let your fingers climb through them

Kiss my molasses pit

On your descent

To my foundation

Nestle your cheek inside the valley 

Of my rolling hills

Land atop fertile grounds

That bring forth fruit

Feel free to roam these great plains

Until your eyes weigh heavy

With freedom

Feel the wind blowing from above

As my grounds expand and contract again

Breathing

Monophonically

The winds hum melodies

Dig into my grounds

Discover the dust that birthed nations

Where God planted

Life seeds

Where the sun bleeds its

Rays of beauty

See my two overgrown roots

That keep me standing

At times they get tired

Carrying the world's load

Bringing forth all life

Yea

It gets tiring

But they will never fail

With the help of your nourishment

Don't neglect my roots

They need you

Me

I stand strong and tall

And I still need you

SUNSHINE

dimmed Sunshine in my life.

electric yellow hues

cloaked in translucent off-black.

i need those rays back.

i once wrote of

horizontal stripes emblazoned upon my fingers

on my belly.

the blinds & the Sun did that.

there was a time i sang of walking into the Sun

& tasting possibility.

limitless.

kinetic.

infinity.

Sun was movement for me.

it was rebirth after repentant evenings.

it was spring summer feeling.

it was new love & old love

renewed.

it was spirit food.

i could close my eyes

& in my mind

grab a lawn chair for an up front view.

close up.

smile glistening with that summer glow.

words caressing my lips with that summer flow.

now where did my summer go?

even if my current mind was surrounded by june

my summer Sun would look more like the moon

hazy gray

or maybe powdery blue.

smiles now a direct relation of

tidal oscillation, phases, & amplitude.

nowadays it ain’t uncommon to see my

lips spread wide

teeth shining bright

while my eyes are singing the blues.

reflecting the light of dusk

in the deep rumbling hum of my womb

as my round cheeks

protrude rouge.

a drag in my shoes.

useless

circling blindfolded in search of a muse.

it used to be the stars.

in fact

one in particular

she and i had a most intimate kind of contact.

others named her Sun.

i named her Life Source.

and now all i ask for

is my life back.

Bandcamp pimpin'

My newest album is on Bandcamp for FREE! Check it out, download it, tell a friend.

http://lorend.bandcamp.com

New Blog!

You can catch me on http://elle-dee-ess.tumblr.com for more frequent updates!

restless

Need a life change
A revolution
Reconstruction

A transformation
I need a me change
A where change
And a mind change
And a now change
I need change
Expeditiously

I wonder how the sun shines in Rome.

Need love
A me love
And a you love
A how many ways love
Stu stu studdering love
A shuddering love
Timeless
Time spent reciting this love
For all

I need more saturation
Or maybe a different hue

Or maybe the old you

I need a face change
Same freckled cheeks
But with a new glow
Rouged cheekbones
Naturally
Searching for the laugh in me
For the rest that He's promised me

I just wanna BE


In entirety

joie de vivre

A day in the life of the
Italian designer's first name dropping
French chef referencing
Malaysian indie film viewing
1971 Rhine Riesling tasting
Scuba diving lesson taking
Academy Award watching
Fortune 500 board sitting
Spring vineyard getaway owning
Royal wedding obsessing
Urban nails are the new nude wearing
Private school blues airing
No Disney trip this year because the NASDAQ is down going
God is for the down-and-out moaning
My hair extensions are worth more than your house knowing
You lose as my wealth continues growing
American Dream acquiring
Folk...
Rich man makes heaven on Chicano-mowed Earth.
Bet he's got diamonds from horse-trodding the rocks in his dirt.

Haiku #30: Fat Tuesday

Purple, green, and gold
Bourbon jazz in St. Louie
Lips warm with Spring heat

What?

What is this new thing?
A thing movies are made of.
Scenes acted out
in a most comedic order
Neither of us knowing the plot.
A turn of events so shocking
that the audience had not expected.
Those are always the best ones.
No really,
what was that?
So wrong but so right
High from the night
The liquid
The songs
This must be wrong
So, so wrong.
And right.
Writing this for you.
Never knew you'd be the topic of my discussion.
After all the fussing
Eye rolls
And turned up noses
Came the lusting
Sneaking up on us
And crushing familiarity.
You stared at me like
your body ached.
Like your mind was crazed
from hands squeezing thighs
that
any other time
would be pointing away from you.
Our lips knew just what to do
in close proximity.
Intimate thoughts crept into me
And wrong from right became unclear.
Therefore
sir
I plead insanity.
Praying that the end of this
wrong, wrong thing
is near.

The Wanting

And here it comes again
The wanting.
Puppeting your hands with my own.
The feeling of lips kissing secrets and
eliminating all but us
But
You're not here to join me.
Sometimes
I let these images take over
Lose control on purpose
So that you can control me
unknowingly.
And now you're knowing me much more than you should.
Loving me better
than any other man could.
Offering me more than they would
And I'm still pretending it's you
that's touching me.
Giving me life with each phone call
Poem
And memory.
This is scaring me
Really

Haiku #29

You shouldn't love me.
Live focused as the Wolf. Be
not like the Lion.

Haiku #28

Falling hard as bricks.
This love thing should be easy
like Sabbath dawning.

Haiku #27

Awaken to me
dampened by the night and sun.
Kissed by summer rains.

In response to your question...

Yes it is difficult.
It has never been easy
And now I am holding back.
I admit that
This has been the case since our very first encounter.
But really,
How could I not?
How silly would I be to let you consume me
Let you have every bit of my energy
Let you be preserved in history
As my tragedy.
For you will be nothing more.
I've seen this all before.
We all have.
You're very aware of what you have in me.
You see pure love in my artistry
Felt it while you rocked me to sleep
And I will forever be a mystery
Never fully uncovered.
You ran to me
Hoping to be my lover and
For a moment
Nothing existed but us.
But
Sentimental Mood's caressing my eardrums
As I write us back into
This time
This place
Tracing over truth with ink
So you can't miss its face.
In your current state
My obsession would be a waste.

3 A.M.

Dazed
Dozing as I rode next to you.
Whizzing past snow-covered skyscrapers
as tall as my anxiety.
And I wondered what you were thinking.


Eyes closed.


I can't recall what I was dreaming
as you brought me back to consciousness.
Our destination reached.
At that point
my imaginings were blurring with our reality.


You waited wearily as I touched water.
I think it washed away my fear
Refreshed my femininity.
You saw that, right?
Towel-dried. Dressed.
And damn
you held me so tight.
We both found that moment surreal.


Though we never spoke it
we were aching
dying to really feel
Taste lips
Smell natural incense
Surrender to this intensity.
You and me wanted ...
we wanted
everything.


You remember how it all started?
The power of hand palming neck.
Electricity you sent through me
And I purred quietly.
Arching feline back
so that our bodies would make contact
on fragile skin.
Elongated limbs
Breath on collarbone
Arm between hills
rising and falling with the wind.
That power in your hand sent us whirling
into desert lands of no return.


Your eyes were flesh-thirsty
And I was the prey of your daydreams.
On that night
I became the real thing.
So real
that you can taste me as you read this.
But no worries.
I won't tell all our secrets.

What If

What if I told you they didn't love you
and never did?
What if I showed you your reflection?
What if I left without a detection
and never returned?
What if I set fire to the rain
and watched it burn?
Would you learn?
Would you learn?
What if you knew what I'd done?
What if you worked only through the Son?
What if he'd done it to you?
What if you told THEM what to do?
What if our love was truly unconditional?
And what if the pain was fictional?
Would I still be pigeon-holed into this role?
Would I then be free to grow?

Haiku #26

I live amongst the
others that move with Wind's blow.
Fall like Autumn's leaves.

Foot Race

The whistle blows and
Reality awakens me to the rush
that surrounds my stillness.
Heart yellowed with illness at my own self.
I am unable to identify with those
that stand with me.


The lonely pace of rest.


Been real down lately cuz my legs can't seem to move.
And there goes my finish line clearly ahead.
Spectators cheering me
and charging with full weight.
Still I just
can't
move.


I run real fast in my dreams.
Gliding swiftly past
old songs, past loves, and unfinished poetry.
Kicking up all kinds of dust onto the old me.
Sprinting with life, liberty, and harmony
Where I'm armed with Thee,
Holiest of Spirits
And fear gets trampled into paved streets.
Yet when I awake,
still I remain
Unmoved.

Weakness

Help me God.
Words divinely chosen
Thoughts frozen in future time
when we are both butterflies & you are mine.
Emotions high with anticipation
of this new dynamic.
Old chemistry with a new reaction
Hope they don't see.
I'll keep my eye-talk jumbled
so that they're hard to read.
But please believe they're
writing poetry for you.
Seems to be all i can do
truthfully.
Avoiding getting on my prayer knees.
Expelling thoughts of clarity & peace
cuz that adrenaline rush is what I seek
And the top
Yeah the top is where my weakness peaks.

Redline Freestyle #...idk

Giving myself 3 stops to write this
No edit
Just me
Writing what I believe without hesitation
Writing as I fly with no reservations
Travel Channel swag
I hate the word but it's all that I had
For the moment
Let my lyrics keep you breathing like Flovent
Nerd reference
Redline kids
Working my every nerve end
I need a blessing
Or maybe a miracle to get away
Seems like all these 90s kids are the same
I swear they're hell-sent
Deliver me from the present
For we are living in the most depressing regression

A Haiku for You

You will not consume
my thoughts again tomorrow.
She waters your rose

The Dawn

I expect it to be a spiritual thing
Waking up next to you.
Touching God as we sneak past delta waves.
Unwilling to let Qi escape from interlocked legs
And face buried in heaving chest.
I will awake with eyes brighter than the Sun.
Skin warming
Shining from Her rays
Illuminating the mountains of our golden bodies.
And
I expect to love you by morning.
(The dawn has a way of making things clear like that)

identity

course curl tangled as God intended. eyes darkened with kohl as the ancients did. the tribal shine of metal through face. cheeks spotted with Europe. thighs wide with Africa. stomach round with The New World. mind of Kemet. spirit of Nazareth. smell the frankincense and myrr. Tallahatchie hand in a Panther fist. razor tongue and healing lips.

untitled

You must have heard my heart speed up
Seen my eyes hopelessly pleading
Felt my fingertips lingering on your bravado
You must have smelled my pheromones
and tasted my offering


Native smile behind rounded lips
that must hold our deepest secret
For mine has been revealed


I'll keep quiet the flutter of butterflies
for our own sanity


"A hidden connection is stronger than an obvious one." -Heraclitus of Ephesus